Blank Verse: Tesco Car Park

Blank Verse: Tesco Car Park

Always hangin’ in the Tesco’s Car Park,

Fuckin’ class way to spend the evenin’s.

Fools go ta college, four more years of school?

For wha’? Student loans an’ a fuckin’ suit?

Fuck tha’! Got me wheels an’ me sound system,

Got a nice-titted girl to suck me dick,

Got a good job pullin’ pints down in Con’s,

Sellin’ some hash on the side, extra cash,

Me own biggest customer, great craic,

Sometimes behind on me payments to me

supplier but it’s cool cos I carry

a knife an’ I know how ta look after

meself, I’d fuck him the fuck up, except

he didn’t come alone. Fuckin’ pussy!

We're Fuckin' Legends

Alan Bennett

We’re Fuckin’ Legends

The Boy Racers.

            Seven at the Tesco Car Park.

We’re fuckin’ legends. We’re

Cuttin’ edge, friends. We’re

Hangin’ in tesco’s. We’re

Paintin’ frescoes. We’re

Smokin’ hash. We’re

Sellin’ it for cash. We’re

Packin’ heat. We’re

Dyin’ in the street.

It’s All Bullshit. There’s a Shark and a Giraffe. It’s Not All Bullshit.

Alan Bennett.

It’s All Bullshit. There’s a Shark and a Giraffe. It’s Not All Bullshit.

Open form.                

There is no ‘norm’.

Social welfare form,             

Trying to avoid the storm.

Medical card form,               

Try to keep warm.

Trying to stay in good form,

                                                Need my endorphins to perform.

No rules

Do what ever I like?

No rules

Write binary code

100101101100111

The amount the IMF is owed.

enjoy the style

experiment

shark

open form: rhyme experiment with shark.

Doesn’tworkDoesn’tmatter

There is no money. There is none. It’s gone. When people tell you they have money, don’t trust them. There’s none. It’s gone. All Gone. But it’s ok. We have words. Shit loads of them. And poetry. Some good, some bad. And other poetry too. Open Form. There is no money. It’s gone. But enjoy words. Experiment with poems. Even if you can’t write poems. You can. If they tell you you can’t write poems, assume they have money. If they tell you you can’t enjoy words, conclude they have a choice of wallet$.

Don’t.

Trust.

Them.

Writewhateveryoulikedoitdoitnow. Open Form.

Excuses, Excuses. (Villanelle)

Alan Bennett, Villanelle, 13/10/11

Excuses, Excuses.

I must apologise for the delay,

I’ve been rushing here, rushing there,

It’s just been one of those days.

I barely even knew the way,

It’s been a complete nightmare,

I must apologise for the delay.

I don’t really know what to say,

Don’t just sit there and stare,

It’s just been one of those days.

You should’ve seen what happened on the way,

There was a huge, loose grizzly bear,

I must apologise for the delay.

There was a UFO, I thought it was D-Day,

They had skinny bodies and heads like pears,

It’s just been one of those days.

Well, I’d love to, but I really can’t stay,

I have to go wash the bear out of my hair,

I must apologies for the delay,

It’s just been one of those days.

Writing a Below-Par Sonnet is Not the Hardest Thing in the World to do.

Writing a Below-Par Sonnet is Not the Hardest Thing in the World to do.

There I was, ordered to write a sonnet.

All I knew was that it had fourteen lines.

Nevertheless, chin up, said “I’m on it”,

Log off the web, lock the door, shut the blinds,

Figure out the pattern, learn the history,

I should be able to write it without

Inflicting on me too much misery.

It’ll be easier than curing gout

Or building a church or taming a bear.

It’ll be easier than reaching peace

or climbing a giraffe without a stairs.

It’s not like I’m sailing the seven seas,

So, enough chit-chat, I must get writing,

Damn! I’ve already done the feckin thing.

Pastoral. Nature vs Stature

A lot of these poems need editing. I have received feedback and editing will happen.

Pastoral.

Nature vs Stature

Nature gave us mossy trees,

Slippery stones in streams,

Iconic mountains that tease

Us with their demanding peaks.

The human brain

Gave us ‘God’

In all its forms.

Nature gave us human

Brains, not conversely.

The nature-given

Human brain

Gave us Gods

And with it

Endless pain.

The brain gave us

Mindless murder.

The brain gave us

Greed.

The brain gave us

Moral, financial or

Righteous

Attachment to land.

And Beliefs.

And Ideas.

Nature slays for survival,

Not for esteem or reverence.

Nature gives us laboring ants,

Working constantly

For the benefit and safety

of their community.

Nature rains, feeds

Its sons and daughters

No questions asked,

No favours returned.

The river turns where it does,

No questions asked.

Hello multitude of fans,

Sorry I have not been keeping up to date with this blog, I have a number of reasons/excuses which I shan't bore you with. Let's just say I "forgot".
Now that all has been forgiven I'm gonna throw up all the other poems that I've done so far so ye can all have those in depth discussions about them that ye've been yearning for.
There is a huge amount of depth to my poetry, someone once said of my poems that "trying to understand [his] poems is like dredging the bottom of the Atlantic".
So please, read them, enjoy them, comment on them and if you find any of this depth that the above scholar was talking about please do let me know. I'd be quite interested to hear it.

Also, I think the tutor doesn't really like being referred to as the tutor, (which is like the pot asking the kettle to call the pot the kettle) so for now, let's just call him "Paul".

All agreed?

Righteo.

Thanks,

Alan.

Ode feedback

I read my Ode to a Favourite (Pizza) out in class to plenty of laughter. Even though the poem was supposed to be funny I can't be sure if they were laughing at me or with me. I'm happy either way because I like to make people laugh be it with witticisms or as the clown, but the laughter was slightly more than I had expected for this poem so I think they were probably laughing at me.
Unfortunately for Sarah our poems were read out and talked about together because hers was funny too, but I think hers was actually a good poem with about something real (a sort of breakup). Hers had a really funny title - Ode to a Dickhead, and it rhymed cleverly.

My tutor went to talk about my poem, and said "the last stanza... I don't even know what to say..." and then he didn't say anything. Normally people that say, "I don't know what to say" follow it with something therefore rendering the first line pointless, but Paul (the tutor) said nothing, so he might actually have been stumped. That or he was too polite to say "is this guy for real?" or "Alan, were you in the special class in school?"

My reasoning behind writing an ode to a pizza is because when I first read about the ode and found out what it was I immediately made a note in my copybook - "ODE - Exaggerate the fuck out of something."
I decided to play on the ancient tradition of highly praising or honouring someone or something. I also knew (bolstered by my attempt at a Sestina) that I can't really do poetry, so I might as well play to my strengths and try make it funny. So I thought, what do I love? I'm hungry. I love pizza. And thus the ode to a pizza was born.

What did I learn from this class? I learned that Roisín is a poetic freak. (In a good genius-type way)

Ode to a Favourite.

Ode to a Favourite.

There you are all round and free,

The greatest thing that ever happened to me.

Yes, I had to pay a small fee,

But it was worth the extra pepperoni.

I love you when you’re hot and steamy,

I love you when your cheese is creamy.

I love you when you’re cut in slices,

You are the best of all my vices.

You have often defeated hunger,

That frequent fugitive fearsome beast.

You simply come and cast him asunder,

By sacrificing yourself as a tasty feast.

With the new topping combinations I’m always inventing,

My desire for you is unrelenting,

When that hunger beast comes tormenting,

You’re the only food that’s as sure as cementing.